Getting Your Toddler to Sleep Through the Night When They Keep Waking Up
Have you found yourself bleary-eyed at 3 am, trying to help your toddler fall asleep for what feels like the hundredth time?
You're not alone.
Many parents struggle with toddler sleep issues, particularly getting toddlers to stay in bed throughout the night. As a parent coach and child development specialist, I've helped lots of families navigate challenging sleep habits.
Understanding Why Your Toddler Won't Sleep
Here's something important to know:
"Toddlers should not wake up at night in general, so once kids are asleep, they should stay asleep all night. If they're waking up, it's a clue that something is going on," explains Gabriele Nicolet, a developmental specialist and parent coach.
When your little one struggles to stay asleep or you're having trouble getting your toddler to sleep through the night, it signals an underlying issue that needs addressing. Common causes include:
Illness or discomfort: Something as simple as a foot jammed in the crib or a lost pacifier might wake them
Sleep regression: Your toddler may experience changes in sleep patterns during periods of rapid development
Disrupted sleep schedule: Travel or changes in routine can affect how your toddler falls asleep and stays asleep
Undiagnosed breathing issues: mouth breathing, obstructed airway and nasal congestion can cause sleep disturbances and often go undiagnosed
Food sensitivities: Some foods have a "time lapse effect" that can make it difficult for your toddler to stay in bed
How to Help Your Toddler Sleep Better
"If they're waking up and they're upset and they need to be soothed, then you should go in and soothe them and kind of suss out what it is that they need in order to go back to sleep," Nicolet notes.
This is especially true for neurodivergent kids, who really have a hard time soothing themselves. And so if they wake up in the middle of the night, they're going to be up for a long time, hard to put back down.
When addressing toddler sleep challenges, ask yourself these questions to develop effective strategies to help your child:
How long does it take for them to fall asleep again?
Sometimes, toddlers will wake up, talk for a few minutes, and then go back to sleep without intervention. If nobody's upset, you don't have to do anything. But if they consistently struggle to fall asleep again, it indicates a deeper issue.
How upset are they when they wake?
The emotional state of your toddler upon waking provides important clues. A child who is very upset versus one who quietly babbles requires different approaches to help them fall asleep again.
What do they need to go to sleep?
Pay attention to what helps your toddler fall asleep more easily. Do they require extensive soothing, or can they settle independently? This information can guide your sleep training method.
Are there consistent patterns?
Does your toddler wake at the same time each night? Or are the disruptions unpredictable? "If they wake up every night and it's not their paci and their foot's not stuck and they wake up crying every night," Nicolet says, "then we try some stuff."
For toddlers who consistently get out of bed at the same time each night, Nicolet suggests a unique approach: "I might preemptively go in at about the time that they usually wake up and soothe them."
Effective Sleep Training Strategies for Toddlers
Ensuring your toddler gets enough sleep is important for their development and your sanity as a parent. According to child development experts, toddlers need between 12 and 14 hours of sleep in a 24-hour period, including daytime sleep. When your little one's bedtime is a constant battle, it's time to reassess your approach to bedtime.
"I think there are a couple of questions," Nicolet explains. "One is how long are they awake for? How upset are they when they're awake? What do they need to go back to sleep? And what are the parents doing to get them back to sleep?"
Earlier Bedtime
You may have asked yourself if you should allow your toddler to stay up or if you put your toddler to bed too early.
"People usually put their kids to bed too late. Most kids don't actually get enough sleep, and sometimes being overtired can disrupt sleep," Nicolet explains. Counterintuitively, an earlier bedtime often leads to better nighttime sleep and fewer disruptions.
Consistent Bedtime Routine
A predictable bedtime sleep routine is "hugely important." Nicolet emphasizes, "Routines of all kinds, but especially a bedtime routine... those little things, that predictability, that sameness, is what signals to the brain we're safe, we're okay, we're getting ready to power down."
Your routine doesn't need to be elaborate—bath time, reading a book, and a consistent phrase like "it's time to sleep" can be effective. The key is consistency in both elements and timing for toddlers at bedtime.
Make sure your toddler knows the sleep routine by talking about it during the day, so when bedtime arrives, they're mentally ready to sleep.
Eliminate Screen Time Before Bed
This is critical: "Removing screens before bed. Really important," states Nicolet.
The blue light from devices can significantly impact your child's ability to fall asleep faster and stay asleep throughout the night. Consider using a night light with a warm glow instead, which can help them feel secure while still signaling to their developing brain that it's time to sleep.
Dietary Adjustments
Some food sensitivities can cause delayed reactions that disturb sleep. Nicolet suggests "messing around a little bit with their diet and seeing if there are any foods that they're ingesting prior to bedtime that might be waking them up."
Preemptive Soothing
For toddlers aged 2 to 3 years who wake at consistent times, try going in just before they typically wake to provide comfort. This can help them learn to fall asleep independently without getting fully awake.
Calm Response When They Wake
If your toddler does wake up during the night, Nicolet advises:
"Stay calm, which is really hard at 3 o'clock in the morning. But you got to get your nervous system under control if you're going to help somebody else figure out theirs."
"Don't be fun. Be boring. Be present, be safe, but don't be fun."
"Talk as little as humanly possible. Do not engage."
"Stay on message. It's time for sleeping. It's time to go to sleep."
When Your Toddler Won't Stay in Bed
Many toddlers develop a habit of getting out of bed during the night. How you handle this depends on your family's values and sleep needs.
"I think it's a personal preference, honestly," says Nicolet. "This is where parents and kids get to balance their needs."
If co-sleeping disrupts your sleep, consider this brilliant alternative:
"One of the things that I have encouraged people to do for the kids who really do need to be close to their parents is a mattress right next to their bed on the floor." This approach gives children the proximity they crave while preserving parental boundaries around sleep.
Creating a dedicated sleep space for your child in your room can be the perfect compromise: "We put one on the floor permanently, and it was always made up, and I said, you can come in to Mommy and Daddy's room anytime you want, and get into this bed."
When Parents Disagree About Sleep Training Methods
Sleep strategies can become a point of contention between parents. Nicolet observes that "one parent has one way of believing and the other one has another and they don't come together."
When this happens, a parent coach can serve as a neutral third party who helps:
Validate everyone's experience
Provide evidence-based approaches for child health
Offer multiple solutions beyond just two opposing viewpoints
"If you think there's only two ways to do something, your brain is lying to you," Nicolet explains. "It's a lie that our brains tell us that it either has to be the right way or the wrong way...there are 100,000 offerings in the middle."
Prioritizing Adult Sleep
An often overlooked aspect of toddler sleep training is ensuring parents get adequate rest themselves. Nicolet strongly recommends:
"Prioritize adult sleep. If you need to get a full night's sleep, go to a neighbor, go to a friend, go to a hotel, go to the basement, go somewhere else where you can sleep where you're not going to be woken up by your child."
Or "go to bed as early as you can because you know you're going to be up for two hours in the middle of the night." This is crucial because "nobody's at their best at three in the morning."
How Parent Coaching Can Help With Sleep Challenges
If you've tried multiple strategies to help your toddler sleep and still face challenges, professional support might be beneficial. A parent coach specializing in child development can:
Assess your specific situation and sleep environment
Identify patterns you might have missed
Provide customized sleep training methods based on your toddler's needs
Recommend appropriate outside referrals if those are needed
Support you through implementation and adjustments
Most importantly, Nicolet notes, "A parent coach can help you feel better even if nobody's behavior changes." This mindset shift alone can transform how you experience nighttime wake-ups and approach sleep challenges.
Supporting Your Toddler's Sleep Journey
Remember that sleep difficulties are a common phase in the toddler years. The right approach depends on your unique child, family dynamics, and parenting philosophy.
"The energy with which you do things matters more than the actual things you do," Nicolet emphasizes. This means approaching bedtime with calm understanding rather than frustration. That alone can make a world of difference.
Whether your toddler is struggling to fall asleep or you're dealing with a sleep regression that seems never-ending, know that with consistent approaches, most children eventually learn good sleep habits.
If you're facing challenges getting your toddler to sleep through the night and would like personalized support, consider reaching out for a parent coaching consultation to develop strategies tailored to your family's needs.
Gabriele Nicolet is a parent coach, child development specialist, and speech therapist who helps parents understand complicated kids. Through family coaching, she provides tools and strategies for parents to help their children thrive while reducing family stress.
Do you have questions about your child’s development or your parenting? Scheduled a free 15-minute call with me here ⬇️