Your child may know what helps them. They may even be able to explain the strategy perfectly when they’re calm.

But using that strategy in a noisy classroom, during a difficult assignment, or while they’re already overwhelmed is something else entirely.

Before we assume a child is refusing, not trying, or “should be able to do this by now,” it helps to pause and look at what might be getting in the way.

Use this checklist to consider:

✅ Whether the demand exceeds your child’s capacity in that moment
✅ Whether the strategy actually fits your child and the school environment
✅ Whether you’re confusing “can do sometimes” with “can do consistently”
✅ Whether your child needs more practice, a smaller step, or continued adult support
✅ One practical shift you can make the next time the situation comes up

This isn’t a checklist for deciding whether your child is trying hard enough.

It’s a checklist for helping you ask a better question:

What got in the way—and what support would make it easier next time?