Autistic Joy
Today we’re talking about Autistic Joy. I’ll describe from an autistic point of view as it was told to me first and then we’ll go into why it matters.
AUTISTIC JOY FROM THE INSIDE
Autistic joy is when I dance even when there’s no music. I dance because my body feels Life and wants to move. It’s flapping my hands or bouncing on my toes because that’s how I let the happiness out. It’s digging deep into something I love—frogs, trains, maps, vacuum cleaners, space travel, elevators, legos, D&D – because I love it, not because anyone told me it’s cool or okay or useful.
Autistic Joy is choosing what feels good to my body, even if it looks weird to you. It’s skipping the script society handed me and writing my own. I did not get “The Memo”. Autistic joy is not about escaping my body. It’s about trying to inhabit it fully. Even when it’s confusing, even when it’s overwhelming, even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard.
My joy may not look like yours. But it is Joy. It is real. And I want you to see it for what it is: a celebration of being alive, exactly as I am.
AUTISTIC JOY FROM THE OUTSIDE
As a parent, teacher, or therapist it can be hard to know what to do when joy shows up in a way that feels unfamiliar. Maybe your kiddo twirls in public or flaps excitedly when they’re happy. Maybe they talk endlessly about a favorite topic, or maybe they don’t use many words at all but light up in unmistakable (and maybe noisy) ways when they’re doing something they love.
And if we’re being honest, that probably makes you uncomfortable. Not because you don’t love your child, but because you’re worried about how the world will respond to them.
That’s fair. This world can be unkind to people who move differently, speak differently, or express themselves differently.
But here’s something I know for sure: autistic joy doesn’t need to be reshaped or redirected. It needs to be seen and celebrated. It needs to be allowed space (sometimes a LOT of space).
When you let your child be who they are - loudly when necessary - you’re signaling something radical and important. You’re telling them: “You don’t have to earn my approval by being palatable to strangers.” You’re telling them: “You are allowed to belong exactly as you are.” (and ps: you’re also signaling to others that it just might be safe for them to do the same. Win-win-win!)
Want to lean into that a little more? Try something this week:
Get curious instead of corrective.
Instead of rushing in with “stop that” or “not now” when your child stims or talks passionately about their favorite thing, pause. Is anyone being harmed? Is your child regulating? If so, take a breath and observe. There may be nothing to fix here. (Bonus points if you’re able to join your child in their expression of joy.)
WHEN AUTISTIC JOY FEELS OVERWHELMING OR THREATENING
Sometimes the hardest part about letting your child be fully themselves isn’t about them at all. It’s about what gets stirred up in you. When you see your child moving through the world in a way you were taught was “too much” or “not appropriate,” it can activate old stories from your own childhood about being good, quiet, neat, or in control. Watching your child live unfiltered might highlight the places in you that never got to feel free. That’s tender work. And it deserves attention. If you’re feeling triggered by your child’s expressions of joy, that doesn’t make you a bad parent. It just means you have some healing to do for you. Start there. Your kid deserves freedom; but so do you. When we allow autistic joy to flourish, we don’t just help autistic kids. We help ourselves. We unlearn harmful ideas about conformity. We make room for real connection. We begin to understand what it means to be truly free in our own skin. If that feels scary at first, that’s ok. Doesn’t mean it’s a bad idea.
Your child’s joy might look different. What if that’s a gift and not a problem?
So let them jump, flap, spin, script, hum, twirl, and deep-dive. Let them move through the world in a way that makes sense to them. Let them teach you about being real, about being free, about being whole.
And if that’s too hard right now, I can help with that. Reach out. Let’s chat.