Unmasking Can Wait: Why Postponing Self-Awareness is Sometimes the Smartest Move
Let’s be real for a second: unmasking—this process of understanding and accepting your true neurodivergent self—is powerful. But it’s also exhausting. And sometimes, it’s just not the right time.
Sometimes the stakes are too high.
Sometimes the pain is too raw.
And sometimes the mask, while uncomfortable, is the thing that’s helping you get where you need to go.
That’s not failure. That’s strategy.
We spend a lot of time in these blog posts talking about how unhealthy and exhausting masking can be (because it can be). But there’s another truth that needs to sit beside it: sometimes, choosing to mask—choosing to avoid diving headfirst into deep self-awareness—is exactly what’s required in a given moment.
Jenn has seen this a bunch with teenagers who suddenly realize that they’ve been suppressing their needs. Once they see it, it’s like a door opens and all this pain, confusion, and grief floods in. But right on the other side of that door? College applications. Or senior year. Or scholarship deadlines. And that kid may decide—consciously or unconsciously—that now is not the time to walk through that door.
That’s okay.
You don’t owe your nervous system a breakthrough at the expense of your goals.
It’s not betrayal. It’s a boundary.
Sometimes people pause the process of understanding themselves—because unmasking would make it harder to survive the day-to-day, or harder to get through the big push in front of them. This is especially true for kids who’ve spent their whole lives striving for neurotypical definitions of success. Pausing can be an act of self-protection. It can also be an act of ambition.
Masking is a trauma response. And it can be a skill; a tool used to meet one's goals.
The mask lets you pass the test.
Give the speech.
Make it through the family dinner.
Submit the project that opens the next door.
And for some people, keeping the mask on—for now—is what allows them to function, succeed, and survive. Unmasking might happen later. It might not. But either way, it’s not a moral failing to choose the mask when your life requires it.
Here’s another wrinkle: unmasking doesn’t happen in isolation.
Neurodivergence often runs in families. That teen trying to figure out their ADHD or autism? They may be slowly waking up to the fact that Mom also can’t sit through meetings without fidgeting and that Dad also has a highly sensitive relationship with sound and light and expectations.
And let’s be honest: this can shake things up.
When one person in a family begins to unmask, it can stir the pot in ways no one’s ready for. Because now it’s not just about them. It’s about us. It’s about you.
So maybe the process gets shelved. Maybe the teen who had an “aha” moment in therapy decides not to bring it up again. Maybe the parent who sees themselves in their child’s diagnosis quietly closes that mental tab.
That’s not denial. That’s triage.
It’s okay if you (or your child) are not ready for the full excavation. It’s okay if your brain is saying, “Not now. I have stuff to do.” That’s not weakness. That’s wisdom.
🌱 Two things to try at home:
1. Respect the choice to pause—in yourself and in your child. You don’t have to push the unmasking process. You can hold space for future reflection without needing it to happen right now. Try saying: “You don’t have to figure it all out at once. You can come back to it later.”
2. Zoom out on the family picture. If you’re seeing neurodivergent traits in your child, look around. What patterns feel familiar? How do you handle transitions, deadlines, noise, surprises? It might not be a one-off. And if unmasking feels too raw for your child, your own self-reflection might still be useful groundwork for when the time is right.
✨ If you’re feeling that moment of “Oh wow, maybe this is about me, too…” and you’re not quite sure what to do with that feeling—let’s talk. You don’t have to figure it out alone. We offer 1:1 coaching and therapy for parents walking this winding, messy, beautiful path. And if you're an employer trying to support working parents navigating the emotional weight of raising complicated kids, let's connect about how we can support your team.
You’re allowed to grow in your own time.
This blog post was co-written by:
Gabriele Nicolet, MA, CCC-SLP Jennifer Glacel, LCSW, RPT-S
Jennifer Glacel, LCSW, RPT-S is the owner of Seven Corners Psychotherapy in Falls Church, Virginia. An Autistic therapist with over 16 years of experience, her practice specializes in using play therapy to provide neurodiversity and LGBTQIA+ affirming therapy to work with people of all ages. Jennifer also provides training in play therapy and understanding neurodivergence through the Seven Corners Psychotherapy Training & Supervision Institute.