When “Ready for College” Isn’t About College at All

If you’ve got a teenager who’s staring down the barrel of college applications and you’re already feeling the urge to pack their bags for them and just get this whole thing over with—stop right there. Before you fill out another form or remind your child (again) to email their teacher about a recommendation, take a breath. This post is about a bigger question that often gets lost in the frenzy: *What does “ready” really mean?*

Spoiler alert: it’s not about GPA or SATs.

It’s about executive function.

Wait, what?

Yep. Executive functioning is the real (unsung) hero of the college transition. And for neurodivergent kids, executive dysfunction is often the invisible hurdle no one talks about until it’s too late. That “bright but scattered” kid who never remembers to turn in their homework? The one who can write a killer essay in their head but can’t get it onto the page? That’s executive function at work—or, more accurately, not at work.

What is executive functioning, anyway?

In the words of college consultant and teen mentor Matt Douglas, executive functioning includes things like time management, planning, organizing, study skills, using a calendar, and taking notes. You know— all the things that adults use to organize themselves. The problem is, kids are supposed to magically have these skills right when we stop being legally allowed to do everything for them.

Here’s the rub: you’ve spent years managing your child’s schedule, helping with schoolwork, emailing teachers, and setting up doctor’s appointments. But in college? They are supposed to do it all. And no one is calling you if they don’t.

So how do you help them get ready for that level of independence?

Two things to try at home

1. Start practicing student-led advocacy early—like, now.

If your child has an IEP or 504 plan, let them start attending their own meetings. Have them explain their accommodations, even if you’re right there with them. By the time they get to college, they’ll need to approach the disability services office on their own. That’s not a parenting failure—it’s the whole goal. And honestly? It’s as important as knowing how to do their own laundry. (More on laundry in a later post!)

2. Make invisible work visible.

If your child’s to-do list lives in your head (or on your dry erase calendar), start transferring ownership. Not all at once—this isn’t boot camp—but bit by bit. Sit down together once a week and go over the week ahead. Get them used to checking a calendar, estimating how long things take, and juggling competing priorities. Think of it as training wheels for real life. (Pro tip: if you start doing this in elementary school, you’ll encounter a lot less resistance.)

“But what if my kid just isn’t ready?”

I hear this a lot. And the answer is: maybe they aren’t. And maybe that’s okay.

“Four years, straight-through” isn’t the only way to go. Your teen might take a gap year, do a semester of community college, or delay the college process entirely. And the great news? Most colleges allow students to defer for a year after admission. That gives families time to pause, reflect, and get support in place before burnout or breakdown hits.

The key is being honest about what your student needs. Not what their cousin needed. Not what your neighbor’s kid did. Your kid.

And what do you, the parent, need?

Probably a good therapist, a calming beverage, and someone to remind you (lovingly) that your child’s college outcome is not your report card.

It’s so easy to get swept up in the stress and urgency of the college journey. But I want to invite you to take a step back and remember: this is a transition for your child, but it’s also a huge transition for you.

Your job has been to drive the bus for a long time. But now it’s time to walk them to the driver’s seat, hand them the keys, and let them pull away a little. They’ll stall. They’ll take wrong turns. They might even back into a mailbox. But the goal is for them to learn to drive their own life.

You’ll still be the GPS in the background (and maybe the emergency roadside assistance). But the more calm, clear, and confident you are, the more they will be too.

If you’re struggling with how to support your kid with college stuff —or how to manage your own anxiety about it—I’d love to help. You can schedule a free 15-minute call to talk it through. And if you’re an employer looking for ways to support your parent employees through this intense phase of life, let’s talk about bringing a workshop to your team. There are so many ways to reduce parenting stress—and it starts with understanding that we don’t have to do it all alone.

xo

G